Thursday, August 23, 2007

Saw this somewhere..


Also this looks really interesting too... Ordered a copy for "work".


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Hiatus

Forgive the lack of posts. I have a social networking / virtual community of practice project on the go and I will not be writing here until after the middle of June. I'm busy with
http colon backslash backslash crcp dot gcd dot ie

why have I suddenly gone secretive?

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Sequel to Pi

If you don't know what this number is it's probably less funny.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Busy?


It turns into a catalogue - I can't write about it all. Thursday night went to see Kicking a deaad horse in the Peacock with Stephen Rea. I liked the horse. I bought the play to read it afterwards - I kind of missed what he was saying towards the end. I think he was knackered. Whenever I break my rule about seeing plays in the first two weeks I'm disappointed. Most people found his performance compelling but the play shit. In the pub on Saturday they were saying it was written in the 80s and sat in his drawer - he knew it wasn't good. So I didn't pop over to Sam Shepard in the pub and say hi, I mean if I'd loved the thing I would have.
Friday went to see Indigenes at the IFI, about Algerian soldiers fighting for France in WWII. Afterwards had tagines and Alsation riesling in respect (the film ends up in Alsace, they are fighting alone for a French village where the inn is called Sonntag and the snow is coming down). Fine film, very emotional.
Saturday evening went to see Joanna Newsom live in the Olympia and she was absolutely phenomenal, I think it's the first night of her current tour with a small scale band. All of whom were annoyingly young and gifted. Everything she does from playing the harp, to singing in an 'ickle gurl voice (she talks like that too) to using words like 'spelunking', 'dirigibles' and 'ledger' (though in fairness it does rhyme in the song...) should annoy me but I think she's a genius. Actually, I love the word dirigible. It's a privilege to be in the same room as someone when they turn it on like that. A real fucking privilege. She totally blew me away. Did a good long show too. After went to the pub and everyone had seen the play... that's when we saw Sam in the pub by the way.

Sunday went to seen Nanni Moretti's new film The Caiman about which nothing should be said and in the evening on to Sunshine Danny Boyle's pastiche of 2001, Solaris, and Event Horizon.
Did I mention Silent Running? That too. I loved it. Particularly the bits where not much happened, but then I think that if Solaris was twice as long, and half as much happened, it would be four times as good. Which is kind of the opposite of most people's opionions. But it was kind of ruined at the end when Sam Neill's character from Event Horizon turns up all burnt skin and the movie briefly follows slasher conventions. I find them tedious in the extreme. There is not a film that I have seen where the baddie defies logic, physics, and good writing to repeatedly return from the dead to terrorise the people in the movie that I haven't despised as I was watching. Think of something like Cape Fear where that gurning oaf masquerading as an actor won't just fuck off and die... Anyway, I liked the film's abstract noise, liminal images, and grand gothic doom laden aura. I found it gripping and frightening. I found the acceptance and even craving for death believable and refreshing for a film such as this. The people I was with were less enthused.
Caught the Georgia O'Keeffe exhibition in there sometime too. It was alright.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

La Folie

Just after buying (on Amazon.fr, thank fuck there isn't an Amazon.ie so we get to buy stuff at the cheap prices in France) an album by Benjamin Biolay and Chiara Mastroianni (no idea if she's related to the famous one) along with the box set of series one of Doctor Who for less in yo-yos than the price in English pounds of the box set from Amazon.co.ck Anyway, why would I buy such fey French acoustic pop? Have I no patriotism and cannot I get my fey whimsy from an Irish source? Well it's like this: on our honeymoon in Mexico we occasionally stayed in actual hotels, you know the things with plumbing in the rooms and TVs and it was rare there or anywhere that the music channels were not playing Shakira. You remember that Shakira video where she is being voyeured by the neighbour and she greases up in engine oil, pulls here trousers down so her hipbones are sticking out, lies down with her shoulders and feet on the ground and hips in the air, jiggling her scrawny butt across the floor humping nothing furiously, looking like she's going through sexual ecstasy and yodelling like a transgender Bulgarian weightlifter auditioning for "the Sound of Music: the muscle mary version"? Well that one pissed me off mightily because, well hearing her "it's a pity my breasts are small so you won't mistake them for a mountain/ it's lucky my ass is big. a like a my mama's" yodelling makes me cringe every time. I mean, if you're going to do porn Shakira just do fucking porn so I won't have to hear and see you when I go for coffee. Anyway, this video was such an antidote to Shiteera.



And if that was far too wimpy for you try this: the resemblance to a Serge duet is uncanny, with subtracted loucheness though. Je suis folle d'elle.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Why am I happy?

So why was last night's one-nil victory by the Republic satisfying where other matches haven't been? Because they played a mostly young team with adventure. Because it looked like we now know our best side: Given, Finnan, O'Shea (for want of better full backs), McShane (who was impressive again last night and is already a bedrock of the team), Dunne (who made one mistake as usual but is otherwise unfussy, tough, fast, and his distribution last night was utterly sublime), Carsley/Kilbane, Ireland (when we play with say, Ireland and McGeady there's nobody to win the ball and we get blown over), Hunt (who was dreadful for 3 minutes when he came on, lost the ball, but not his confidence to run at his men and anyway picked himself up and tracked back), Duff (back on form for the first half last night), Doyle (whose header last night for the goal was awesome), and Keane. Though perhaps Duff's performance might have had something to do with Keane's absence.

So there were a bunch of players out playing who were fine passers of the ball, the control, the takes from long passes, were a joy to watch. Most importantly: they played without the crippling fear that has blighted this team. Whether they can take this courage on the road is another question, but beating Slovakia away should not be beyond them. They are technically superior players.

And talking of Keane's absence. He was putting it about that Cork players weren't playing because of a Dublin bias. This was the least Dublin based team I can remember. There are now young players from around the country and not just Cork. Ireland is from Cork, Miller didn't play despite being in form because when he has played (bar against Sweden who didn't show up for the match) he has been useless. He also said that Given had too many caps and shouldn't have played some of the matches he did: he played when he was asked to unlike Keane. The team needs him for solidity whenever any experiment is made. The previous team needed Keane and he wasn't there. I know he's looking for the Ireland job in the future when he slags off GIven but he's simply not in a position to do it.

Keane should have played many more games for Ireland but he let us down instead and assuaged his own ugly, cynical ego.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Walk on by


I had meant to discuss Adam Curtis's fascinating and fun documentary The Trap: what happened to our dream of freedom but to be honest I spent most of it counting the music and going "got that". And anyway the most powerful artistic experience that I had this weekend was from a Dionne Warwick record . I just bought some kind of 60s greatest hits (by Dionne Warwicke as the record has it) and the first song is "walk on by". I've never been a fan of the song itself particularly. But oh the production. And her voice wrapped around you, warm and full. Kind of quite the opposite kind of performance to the shrieking divatrons catterwauling through their autotuners. Oh so hysterical with the soul they got baby, sounding like a Japanese robot doing vocal warmups while grudgefucking an overweight golf-playing samariman. And filing its nails. You ain't got soul baby. If you don't know what I mean have a listen to the vocal histrionics in that cover version of "Lady Marmalade" that was used to promote that sparkly turd "Moulin Rouge".
I digress, I digress
I concentrate less, and less
Let us speak no more of such things. But "walk on by" in its original production and arrangement is beautifully sublime. The mix makes no attempt for everything to sound as loud as everything else. This is an edit. There is a really loud guitar chop at the beginning, barely audible acoustic guitars and her voice. The piano kicks in for the chorous and the famous piano figure is played quieter here than in other versions: they were aware it was facile and didn't overplay it. The orchestra swells, swooning backing vocals drift in and out of the mix, suddenly it all drops out and her voice is present in the room, with a more live room reverb than all the other sounds - she is there with you, suddenly intimate and shocking. The whole thing glides on to the end, with the drums really only kicking in during the fade out. This sounds like nothing that could be played live. It is pure electroacoustic music. A product of recording technology being used inventively to create something new rather than echo something else. Mature use of technology. And you need it on record. A mature technology. I don't know what it would sound like on mp3 and don't want to know.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Staircase wit


The cold snap that traditionally accompanies paddy's day has just ended, proof that while god doesn't exist he does hate us so very much, and the spring birds are singing merrily. And is that early chicks I hear in the attic space above me? And we just discovered that the only way Ireland would win a cricket game against a test nation is by foul means. Not necessarily ours - but this is the foulest, most sordid sports story I have ever encountered...

Anyway, watched "the consequences of love" the other night and really enjoyed it. It had a sedate, hypnotic pace and only became less good in the last third when things started happening. The director wasn't so good at that. Then again Tarkovsky was no John Woo and that's no bad thing. Other people have compared it to Sophia Coppolla, and my Beloved and I both thought of lost in translation but it was far less crass than that film. And deliciously morbid too. And a powerful argument for the quotidien blandness of days going by, endlessly, pulling you into the future.
Perhaps we enjoyed it so much partially as it began with pictures of escalators (or more properly moving sidewalks) and blank industrial spaces and bland hotels and we had just been to see Thomas Demand's L'esprit d'escalier exhibition at IMMA. He makes sculptures out of paper, mdf, plastic and photographs these sculptures into luscious huge prints. The subjects are frequently semi-industrial bland areas: a stock office in a warehouse, a stock room for a shop, a lift, an indescribable yellow machine in a factory. At first the pictures look like the real thing and then you notice that the steel stairway spiralling around the machine is painted on; that while the untreated MDF shelves are real the office is in fact largely paint, and the phones sitting on the desk lack buttons and numbers; the balconies coming out of the building are simply corrugated cardboard.

Don't bother with the Alex Katz New York exhibition on at the same venue - NY toffs drawing pictures of each other. They should print them in the New Yorker. Or something. In case you didn't know I despise as contemptible the graphic style of the New Yorker and it old world pretentiousness "from our correspondant in Tallinn". Ick.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Kennedy assassin: the long wait for a culprit ends


“I was responsible for the 9/11 operation from A to Z” Khalid Sheikh Mohammed said in a transcript released by the Pentagon. The transcript goes on to detail the many chilling murders he was behind. It seems "It also makes clear that al-Qaida wanted to down a second trans-Atlantic aircraft during would-be shoe bomber Richard Reid’s operation." (MSNBC News)He was behind the first bomb in the World Trade Centre, the attempt to shoot down and El-Al plane ("or other jewish airliner" wow, airplanes can now have a religion. I live in strange times) in Kenya and the Bali nightclub bomb. "Other plots he said he was responsible for included planned attacks against the Sears Tower in Chicago, the Empire State Building and New York Stock Exchange, the Panama Canal and Big Ben and Heathrow Airport in London — none of which happened." (MSNBC news again).

As for the procedure itself, he said he had no objection to the tribunal process, it was in fact "okay by me"he also said that he was responsible for dirty bombs and biological weapons on US soil in a 31 point confession of activities.

It seems likely, if and when the Pentagon releases the redacted portions, that we now know the identity of the Lindbergh baby kidnapper, Jack the Ripper, and quite possibly the Bogey Man himself.

You really should pop over to the transript itself.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Ministry of Space

While this book may be slight, it's beautiful. And I really can't stress too much just how beautiful the artwork in this book is. I'm sure (and I know it had a slightly troubled history, the last issue was delayed three years) that the artist spent a huge chunk of his life for comparatively little pay doing it. It was worth it though. Though my word for it is suspect as I deeply fetishise retro-futurism. It's like Dan Dare meets modern repro and digital techniques. Each frame is bursting with colour and detail.

As for the story: it's an alternative history of the late twentieth century. British imperialism rules the skies. The satire, while not gentle, is subtle and pervasive. These two reviews are interesting as both the authors
a) don't know what a mcguffin is, and
b) bought the mcguffin with extra chips to go
so maybe the satire is a little less pointed than I had thought. The source of the funding for the Ministry of Space is the mcguffin by the way, not the plot. The real story is something rather different and by choosing Britain as the target of the satire the author makes some positive points about the US while at the same time exposing the imperialist project for what it is.

I thought it was a tiny bit expensive for such a small comic, but it is so beautiful, so extraordinarily beautiful, that I bought it anyway. Then I thought that if I lent it to a friend of mine I wouldn't be able to accept it back as the art is even more up his street so I went and bought another copy for him. You should buy one for your friends too. This little gem is worthy of our support.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Conservapaedia (sic)

I thought you might be interested in a new wiki project to correct the anti-christian and anti-american bias of wikipedia. for example they have a list of biases in Wikipedia. Here's number one

"1 Wikipedia allows the use of B.C.E. instead of B.C. and C.E. instead of A.D. The dates are based on the birth of Jesus, so why pretend otherwise? Conservapedia is Christian-friendly and exposes the CE deception."

How right they are. I don't know if you've read an academic book on ancient history or archeology recently but they do it too! The whole world isn't utterly compliant with fundaligionist christians. This must be fixed immediately and wikipedia is unworkable with.

The anti-american bias of Wikipedia, and the evidence of it, is even more damning, try this -

9 Wikipedia often uses foreign spelling of words, even though most English-speaking users are American. Look up "Most Favored Nation" on Wikipedia and it automatically converts the spelling to the British spelling "Most Favoured Nation." Look up "Division of labor" on Wikipedia and it automatically converts to the British spelling "Division of labour," then insists on the British spelling for "specialization" also.[9] Enter "Hapsburg" (the European ruling family)
and Wikipedia automatically changes the spelling to Habsburg, even though the American spelling has always been "Hapsburg". Within entries British spellings appear in the silliest of places, even when the topic is American. Conservapedia favors American spellings of words.

We should insist that this be changed immediately, or until it is changed, insist that everyone use the Conservapedia.
Lead Kindly Light!

I should point out that their page on the bias of Wikipedia is a great advertisement for the corrective nature of wikipedia itself - many of the points that seem to exhibit bias have indeed been changed and others effortlessly withstand the conservapedia criticism. For example: the US no longer uses, according to Wikipedia, the term "most favored nation", and has replaced it with, rather sensibly it has to be said, the term "Normal Trade Relations". The GATT treaty itself also spells in in the non-US English way (can't bring myself to say British English).

I'm not particularly a fan of wikipedia by the way - I just lambasted a student for writing an article in a student newspaper lifted from the wiki only yesterday. But the Conservopedia is a particularly funny example of the uneducated but increasingly powerful religious lunatic. The conservapedia page itself, sadly, is a rather fine example of selective use of evidence, circular argument, peurile name-calling, base anti-intellectualism, non-scientific pseudo reasoning, and pure simple utter madness. I might note that they link to the Religious Tolerance website to lend credance to their view that the majority of Americans disagree with evolution. This is not what their page on the subject actually says. It says that 44% of Americans (overall) believe in some form of young earth creationism, that god created man inside the last 10.000 years. 49% believe in either theistic or non-theistic evolution. That would include the two largest Western faiths by the way. Not that wikipedia as an international document should necessarily reflect majority American opinion.

One last point about largely uneducated religious crazies, whether they be christian, muslim, jewish, or buddhist: to suggest that a scientific article, or an encyclopaedia (non-american spelling, so sue me) should include crazy young earth creationism when writing about evolution and suggesting that it is worthless and biased for not doing so, is much like pointing out that the bible, or koran, or whatever is worthless and biased for not writing about scientifically valid evolution.

And we wouldn't have that said would we?

Thursday, March 01, 2007

The Polical Compass


This has been the buzz around the office for the last couple of days: we've been having fun with the political compass. We were at a seminar about critical thinking in students and one of the suggestions was a tool to help them perceive the bias they approached a subject with.

Its central premise I take to be self-evident: that the axis of left and right is unsatisfactory for plotting political convictions and that another of authoritarian vs. libertarian is needed. This, obviously, doesn't work for Americans who like to confuse 'liberal' with 'left' when they are not the same thing. This is part of the reason why former lefties (say Wolfowitz et al though for all their trumpeting of SDS leadership I've never seen them mentioned in anything on the SDS) end up with a very right wing government.

I have long argued that Irish political parties are only comprehensible if you have a three dimensioal axis including both these measures and nationalism and unionism. The lack of a major fascist party here is partially attributable to strong nationalism being associated with the left a bit more than the right. DeValera would have been a willing fascist but his fellow travellers would not.

By the way, I score somewhere between Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama.

From people at work's score I suspect that most people's politics, when not considering which of their limited parties to vote for, are far less authoritarian than the options offered them. And probably quite a bit left too. Howard Zinn noted that about polling the US people rather than the options they are offered

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Independent Idiotic: not news I suppose

Well I got into trouble with one of the kids yesterday for slagging off the Irish Independent. I picked up one from the large piles teetering unread that they give out free and laughed at the strapline 'Ireland's best selling newspaper'. "who'd buy this shit?". The kid replied that a quarter of a million copies were sold everyday. You, I, and the whole world know that newspaper's sales figures are, at best, wishful thinking. So I said, assuming they do, why? You can pick it up for free all over the place. Anyway, the kid said he and all his family bought copies. Don't you love the loyalty? Even if I don't need it I'm going to buy this low grade sheet that publishes dubiously reported propaganda at the whim of its owner. Maybe his da works for it, but he's maybe 19 or something - he should be hating his da if he has any grit in his soul at all.

So today's headline "Death crash bus driver is cleared: verdict puts pressure on Dublin Bus to find cause of accident". And lots of stuff about compensation - this from a paper that regularly accuses this country of being obsessed with compensation. Let's get it straight. The prosecution made a mess of the case and gave the defence incorrect figures to work on. The defence concocted a case based on the tachograph from a South African bus - it was a weak case as it happens but this is irrelevant as it was based on an entirely different bus. During the trial this mistake was discovered - the prosecution had the figures from the correct bus and no 'power surge' was on it. So the Independent - front page 'Power surge key to verdict' is absolutely wrong. The chain of evidence and the presentation of evidence by the prosecution is the key to the verdict. Absolutely no evidence of a power surge was adduced in court. None. That said the defendent had to be found innocent: would you like to be convicted in a case where the prosecution was so sloppy with the evidence? But, crucially there is no need for Dublin Bus to find the cause of the accident. There is no suggestion that there was anything other than driver error.

This is a distasteful comparison but there you go. OJ Simpson had to be found innocent due to the prosecution's actions, the police do not have to go looking for the real killer of his wife. The defendent had to be found innocent, I think, but that does not mean the search for the cause of the accident goes on. The Irish Independent - up to the usual lofty journalistic standards of the Independent group - has covered the story with profound ignorance of the law.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

More web 2.0ness


I made a post the other day being enthusiastic for some kind of web 2.0 application- to be deluged with the response that it did exist. So now I'm trying to be officially enthusiastic for web 2 so on my sidebar where what should be my blogroll resides you might notice - if you haven't been here in a while - that there is a technorati link and a new social networking aggregation link. This is provided by elgg.

When will they learn?

On the way up to work this morning walking through the Tenters and what do you know it but the cherry blossoms are out already. Obviously they come out weeks later on the Northside where I grew up. But I've been walking past these cherry trees for years and while the urge to start singing Sakura rose up in me as strong as it would in any man I had to ask myself: when will these trees ever learn? Yes it's been mild the last few days, Saturday was warm and sunny (yesterday was, well, let's forget yesterday) but winter lasts long these years. Last year it only started in January and while everyone thinks it was a warm summer it was below ten degrees and pelting down in July: May was horribly cold. Winter goes on and on. November and December tend to be pleasant. These trees will never produce cherries while this goes on.
They produce cherries on the Northside you know.
Anyway, I stop to say hello to a cat with some weird facial deformity and the poor thing runs away. This is quite unusual as cats tend to lose their timidity around me. Honestly, since I was a kid. I mean I always thought if I had to choose I was a dog man (though it's a bit like 'are you a breast or a leg or an arse man? Yes! No which? YES, YES, YES!') but cats prefer me. Though I do seem to remember they preferred me when I was hairier - kittens had a thing for big beards and actual cats tried to nest in my big hair. Then I remembered a snippet of a dream I had last night which involved me violently picking up a cat and throwing it away (with extreme prejudice - I think I must have been affected by that US doctrine I read about yesterday, known as the 'Ledeen doctrine' of 'throwing some shitty little country up against the wall once a decade just to show we mean business' HUH! YEAH! I met that guy (who no doubt is even weedier and nerdier than me or I wouldn't dream of threatening. Actually, why deny the internet. He, like most of the hawkish neocons really is even weedier than I) I would throw him repeatedly against the wall. Call it socratic dialogue mofo. No really Messrs Ledeen and Goldberg, I really, really, would throw you repeatedly against a wall if I met you. It's odious. But perhaps you might realise what dreadful little people you were and how you were giving succour to dreadful little people with violent little minds.) which is really unusual. I don't really go for violent dreams. Actually, I don't remember them largely as they are so dull they send me into deep sleep. A friend and I used to, about a dozen years ago, email each other in the morning with our dreams. Pretty soon I had to make them up: my conscious imagination is less hide-bound, conventional and dull (maybe) than my dreams. It's a bit like kids really - they're supposed to be these imaginative 'don't they say the durndest things' kind of people when in fact, in my rather limited experience, they tend to crave repetition and conformity. Once they have a concept they judge everything by it if at all possible.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Infamous - or at least not famous


Somebody said, when the subject came up "I don't know why anyone would make a film about Capote when there was one just out". I'm not a producer so I neither can answer, nor am I interested in answering that question. I can however offer a perspective on why you might go and watch it. The main reason is that it is a fine film with a balanced script and a set of excellent performances: Dobby the House Elf utterly outdoes Philip Seymour Hoffman's smug Hollywood turn. Sandra Bullock is an even less likely comfortable shoe wearing Harper Lee than Katherine Keener - looking like she is about to corpse every time Capote opens his mouth down South adds great charm to the movie. James Bond is a rounded, believable, frightening Perry. The whole film has many charms: in this we can see why Capote was popular as well as the fact that artists are monsters cannibalising life. The relationship with Perry is very believable rather than the coy cut to the next morning of the previous film. The supporting cast is huge - Sigourney Weaver as a grande dame best mate, Peter Bogdanovich (I'd prefer he directed instead, we went to see his last film 'the cat's miaow' and it was a perfect ensemble piece), Isabella Rosselini...

All I remember liking about the other Capote film was the film emulsion. Normally most cinematographers seem to go for a chiaroscuro effect: doesn't matter if you're in a hospital ward the shadow side of your face will be pitch black. It's sort of the equivilent of the overenthusiastic foley artist in my book. In this however the print was undersaturated and the emulsion had a greeish hue: it looked like a late 50s early 60s Life magazine spread. The kind of thing where they followed Kennedy's campaign trail. I particularly remember in the jail scenes the dark of Hofmann's face being green.

As an actor pointed out to me: you can't really blame Hofmann for the facile part. All he did was an impersonation. Nothing else to the film really. Which reminded me of the other film I saw that same weekend last year: Walk the line. Again nothing but impersonation. Somebody said to me this week that the music made the film worthwhile. Buy the records. I don't need some actor doing them.

Both those films were deeply philistine: mimesis as the highpoint of art. Infamous, on the other hand was a real film. It added something to the world. Not the greatest film ever. But it was a piece of art.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Starbucks


So I got a coffee in Starbucks the other day. Or ThreeBucks as they should call it, well ThreeBucksTwenty is what my coffee cost. Not the same ring to it though I suppose. It's not that I made a huge conscious decision to avoid it before but the thing is I pass it every week. Early in the morning on a Saturday. And I need a coffee but I don't go there as it's ten minutes walk to where I'm going. And I'm usually carrying a computer (why don't laptops weigh as much as lapdogs? In fact spidery little legs for self locomotion and fur would make nice additions to laptop design. They could sort of purr maybe during use. Anyway.) so I don't bother. But, there is no coffee shop between College Green, past the copshop on Pearce Street, down past Westland Row to the far end of Pearce St. Chef shops, kitchen gear, yeast retailers, fundaligionist creeepy fucked up fambly friendly young earth creationist Christian Worship Centres yes. But no coffee shops. I think to myself is this some kind of 21st century version of Joyce's game 'can you get from a to b in Dublin (in his mind, in Zurich or Trieste) without passing a pub (and no doubt a bracing restorative imaginary glass of wine)' except now it's a coffee shop. And you'd be doing it on google earth / maps.

Does absolutely everything have to have a web 2.0 interface now?

Needless to say we had the 'hilarious' I'm too stupid to talk to them thing. 'Large black coffee to take away please'. Fool! 'What kind?', 'oh you know, normal, black, americano, whatever you call it', 'normal or Americano?''Americano''With milk?' 'no black' 'large whateveryadadyadaddaa no room to go'. And there was no room in this giant litre vat they served me. So I spilt a bunch on the way to where I was going, soaking my hand in scalding coffee and soaking the cardboard sleeve that should keep your hand from getting too hot when holding it and the vat, when half full, toppled over and spread an oilslick a metre square on the carpet.
I read about WalMart's gallon jars of pickles (who wans a gallon of pickles?) now I saw it in action.

I'll make my own in future. It's at least as good, costs pence, isn't a two litre tub, and won't go all over the place.